I am reading the most AMAZING book! It may not be amazing to everyone, maybe just to me . . . but it's having a profound impact on my life right now. I want to share this journey with you--that's what I feel like I'm on right now. A brand new journey. So sit back, relax, keep your coffee handy and I'll share with you a few moments in my journal where I've been recording said journey.
Friday, February 4, 2005
I feel like I've had the biggest breakthrough!! I'm reading
Notes to a Working Woman. I found it today on "accident". (Gotta love God's guidance!)I'm a working woman. Honestly, it hasn't occured to me, I've been so focesed on getting to the place that my mom and sisters are- partly because I WANT to and partly because I think I should be? . . . . Not sure about this. I know I can't work like this and be a stellar house cleaner, errand runner, chef, etc plus do any hobbies. Because of that I've been feeling like a failure. I've also felt like I'm a failure in the career area--I'm no where near doing what I want to be, I haven't been giving 100% every day, I haven't even liked what I've been doing. Which one has God called me to? Or is the question not of ultimate calling, but, what does He have for me right now, right here? What resources has He provided that I'm not taking advantage of?
The first chapter has been about this wandering period. I'M IN THAT!! The three principles are so basic but mind blowing as well!
"Principle #1: Don't Discard Your Scraps"
-What scraps have I discarded or am I on the verge of discovering?
-What have I learned about myself so far?
-What have I learned about the world around me so far?
-motivated peolpe motivate me
-knowledgeable, skilled, teachable people inspire me
-lazy, unquestioning, unteachable, unmotivated people depress and frustrate me
-I don't fell that I am a motivating person-how do I become someone who
-How do I developt a curiosity about things that feel mundane, but in reality I
respond to more on instinct than actual knowledge?
-I am heistant to call myself a career woman even though it appears that is
what God has called me to right now? Why?
-It feels wrong-it doesn't seem to adequately describe me or all of my dreams
and aspirations. Does any label? Is the label important--or just a fact--part
of me I need to acknowledge and accept?
About the world:
-People are scared--of a lot of things
-People are hurting more often than not
-Joy and peace are not accessible outside of a relationship with the LORD
-People need the LORD
-People need my compassion and understanding
-People need TIME with other people (who care)
-Despite culture and background, people are the same everywhere
-Learning a person's cultural needs and meeting them, or speaking
their "cultureal language" is HUGE to people everywhere
Thursday, February 10, 2005
"Principle #2: Don't Lose Your Wonder"
I have lost my wonder. I get bogged down by what I don't like in my job right now and the mundane. It makes me frustrated with what I'm doing and then I like what I'm doing less and less. I keep focusing on what I think I'd rather be doing.
*What do I like about bedside nursing? What warms my heart and makes me feel that
-watching my smile appear on my patient's and their family's faces
-watching the fear and apprehension of the procedure, recovery process,
hospitalization, etc fade as I explain the process and answer their questions
-having a patient excited to have me back as their nurse
-I love the teaching side of things
*What distracts me from that wonder?
-The pace--often people have questions and want asnwers when I'm pressed for
time-when tasks are pressing. Then I get frustrated, turned off and don't want
to teach because I'm frustrated and overwhelmed. I'm VERY task oriented.
Replace my wonder. Teach me how to balance the VERY neccessary tasks and the teaching and comforting that I love, but don't often feel I have the time for. Focus my heart where You want it. Help me to work as unto You. Teach me to find the wonder in what I do.
"Principle #3 Remember Your Own Mortality"
This world is not my home, but it's preparing me for a better one. This job is not "permanent" but it's preparing me for a more "permanent"-better? one.
". . . the wanderer is differnt from the person who remains at home. She tends to love more deeply and be more aware of the gift of God's provision at every turn. The wanderer is a richer person." (from the end of chapter 1)
Chapter 2 is about the road--how we get from here to there. "I am saying that both the destination and the route should be considered, and both should be interesting. We spend a great deal more time on the road than we do at the destination. Therefore, pick the best road, which isn't always the fastest. Learn how to enjoy the whole trip, the road as well as the goal." (Fred Smith, You and Your Network)
The road is about building character. Character is the goal--that equals acheivement. Success, the accolades, recognition are not important. Four elements, she says, definge true professionalism: brains, courage, heart, faith.
"Element #1: Brains"
She talks about the aspect of never stopping the learning process and using
your head all the time.
I feel like I forget to do this in nursing, specifically. I get so caught up
in the DOING it while I'm there, I don't have time to expand my knowledge. Then
I leave and my thoughts and energies go in different directions. How do I change
that? Every now and then I get a patient or disease that catches my curiosity
and somehow I make time to learn then. Where's the balance?
Luci describes a recognition of Beverly Sills as "They are the recognition of
an individual who has appleid herself to every phase of growth and learning. Her
art is the radiant outpouring of her inner life and character." What a comment!
I would love for somebody to be able to say that about me!
She also comments on how "Ms. Simms has never stopped growing and
developing, even under the agony of family heartaches." At one time, I felt like
I could do that, until the this last year and a half or so. There has been SO
MUCH going on, not only in my family but also in Ralph's and then Micah
died . . . . I feel like I froze up for awhile--I got lost in the fog. I'm just
now emerging and not sure how to proceed. I can't make up for lost time and I
feel overwhelmed at times by what's before me. It's good to have a BIG God, who
can carry the weight of it all for me. Now, if I would just turn it all over to
Him a little faster and then LEAVE IT THERE, I'd be better off. :)