Sunday, October 14, 2007
My heart is broken
We lost a patient last night. She was young . . . in between Ralph and I in age. She left behind a husband and five children. We don't know why she died. We tried very hard to prevent it. She was Mormom. Please, dear God, let her be with You. Let her to have found You before she died! I didn't get to talk to her this admission. We spoke several times about many things on her previous admission--some of them spiritual. I never out and out shared the gospel with her but I shared what I felt led to at the time. She was a sweet person--truly cared about others. Her children are beautiful and so sweet. One of them is the reason I now want pink cowboy boots. They celebrated a 5th birthday in the hospital today. Thank You, Jesus, for a happy day for the family. Thank you that they spent her last day together as a family celebrating. Eternity is so near--too near some days. Thank You, Jesus, for the staff tonight. Thank you for her dayshift nurse who you whispered "Run!" to before she totally understood why she was running. Thank you for her tears of compassion and grief for this woman. Thank for my Christian sister who helped me wash and tuck away the shell she left behind. Help us to find the WHY. Not the physical why, though we wish to know that too, but the spiritual why. Bring this family to know You. Bring my friends who were involved to know You. I love what I do. It tears me up some days but tonight reinforced my belief that someone needs to stand in the gap for my patients and lift them up to the throne of the Living God. I have been appointed to be that ambassador by the Living God Himself. Guide me, Lord Jesus. Give me boldness when I need it. Provide the words needed at the right time. Prepare hearts. Thank you for breaking mine to remind me of my role. Please let me see her in heaven, please.